An Excerpt from Somewhere

I wish I could say I believed in fate and happy endings. I wish I could say I believed in what was meant to be and in life after death. Hell, I wish I could say I believed in the decency of human beings, in us. But I don’t. I don’t believe in any of that. I do believe in love, but not the love you see in movies. Not the glorious, shining love that trumpets above everything. No. I believe in true love, selfish love. The only kind of love that can exist in this world. I believe in the love that flares triumphant in the heart of a jealous lover when revenge beckons. And the love that fuels the single-mindedness that we all look down upon and so never act on it. Though I wish to, more than anything. I believe in the love that burns and burns, burning, burning until it consumes everything and everyone, leaving behind only smoldering ash, still miraculously smelling of your lover’s hair. That’s what’s urging me forward, like a firefly driven toward a candle, back home to the source of all the pain, the sorrow; my only sense of wholeness. That sense of love, of selfishness. That no one else will ever know what I know; that no one else will ever see what I have seen. It's selfishness. It's love. It's what I live for. It's you I live for.